My sociology teacher was pro eugenics
I know you meant it you redneck
Those were racist comments
I told working-class mates “ignorance is not a contest”
But they copied their answers nevertheless
I was never impressed by the next guy in his neck tie
And was never a guest when your mum served up shep’s pie
That’s why I’m disenfranchised and thank my
Lucky stars my pa didn’t ply me with French fries
When I was a rug rat
Fuck dat
So what your bap has seeds
Tasty wheat’s got everything the body needs
My hobby feeds my ego
Me, Myself, and I; the Three Amigos
We know the secret handshakes that man makes
Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer the pancakes
And ache for a Jif Lemon day, a getaway and better pay
You better pray that science finds a cure
Or tests your faith with dinosaurs
Cos I’m not sure that God exists
Except as porridge upon my shopping list
I’m sorry kids
The Easter bunny was invented to make mummy waste her money
On chocolate eggs, not IVF
There are hardly any donors left
The sperm has turned, the internet
Killed video and cheap phone sex
My free throw’s next
Opponents hope that I retire
Or break the backboard on myself
They lack charisma and the stealth
That’s needed when you play Nintendo
Many men don’t leave the bedclothes
On Saturday and Sunday mornings
Not because the wifey’s horny
And pulling their pyjama trouser
But because they must beat Bowser
How’s a marriage sposed to last
Through Perfect Dark?
Til Mario Kart do we part
But I haven’t got the heart
To tell her I’m in love with Zelda
And seldom think of anyone else
Has anyone felt these elephant pelts?
Or the elegant delts of a female sprinter?
Email, printer, filofax
I commute to work on rhino backs
And make macaques feel most inferior
Like kaffers in the cafeteria
Mass hysteria, falafel shortage
This type of shit goes unreported
In the western world
West-end girls wear their best friend’s pearls
Cos they detest themselves and the size of their curves
But the guys have observed
How absurd the thighs of a bird
Do appear if they don’t eat cake or
Pies for a year
I’ve tried to adhere to society’s rules with a beer
But sobriety rules up in here
I’ve been here with a clear mind since the dawn of time
So I don’t give a dam if you like or adore my rhyme.